Recent Finds – November 4th, 2021

Are you an emotional shopper? I am. There is SO much in my life I am grateful for, every single day – but I am also dealing with the disappointment of secondary infertility right now; I’ve been dealing with it for an entire year at this point. My insurance denied IVF coverage that is mandated by the state so I have to appeal their decision. I’m tired of all the doctor’s appointments and blood draws. I’m tired of negative pregnancy tests; I’m tired of positive tests that don’t end with a baby in my arms.

So I think that has spurred a lot of my shopping as of late. But there’s also the issue of dressing my 18-month-postpartum body. I didn’t make any effort to lose the baby weight since I jumped right back into fertility treatments. I naturally have gotten down to 2 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight (and this is during constant on-off use of hormonal fertility meds).

The idea of fashion, style, and clothes weren’t something really on the radar in a huge way after I had the baby. He was born in the spring, so we drifted into summer during my maternity leave. Wearing a short-sleeve tee and a pair of shorts that fit was good enough. For the fall and winter, I scooped up some Blanqi postpartum support skinny jeans, which I LOVED and still wear to this day. The panel at the top makes them comfy to wear, and I went up one size from my pre-pregnancy size.

Then I started to go through what I would describe as my postpartum, secondary infertility, mid-pandemic existential style crisis. My style before I had the baby had been so defined – flowy boho dresses, flowy boho tops, embroidered anything, leggings, skinny cords & jeans, tall boots or flats. But when I emerged from the baby haze, I suddenly felt uncomfortable and wanted to leave some of that behind me. Maybe a strange part of my matrescence; I’m not sure.

But my body had changed (these hips? not the same as before baby) and styles had changed (mom pants are cool somehow now and skinny pants are out?). All the bright colors and bold florals that defined the last 5 or so years didn’t feel right anymore. Part of me was still drawn to that, but part of me also craved a certain simplicity. Thumbing through a rack of mini slips that I used to wear as long shirts under longer cardigans, I wondered who the woman was who used to wear them, and how much of her I still was. My clothes were starting to feel too girlish, too garish, too carefree.

I dressed my son in muted color palettes – his first year, in cloud greys and greyed-out blues; the second, in rust and ochre and navy and and cream and olive. As someone who works in design I know that color palettes come and go, but these colors felt safe and grounded if also somewhat trendy. The candy pinks and lilacs of my clothes felt like they should be dressing someone else; someone perhaps with less life experience and fewer cares.

So all of this – combined with the fact that I now was working in the office only one day a week – really changed what I needed and wanted in a wardrobe. Chic loungewear is a MUST for me right now, and I’ll write more about that later. But for winter I wanted wide-leg corduroy pants and sweaters in those same colors my son wears, neutral and earthy.

Then I realized I hadn’t purchased “real” pants – no elastic in the waist, a zipper and button, actual numeric size – since before I was pregnant. And as previously noted, my hips are just not the same as they were before. I’ve gone up 2 pants sizes, which I wasn’t really aware of or ready to admit until I had to send back 9 pairs of pants I’d ordered.

It was really hard for me to also find a style that felt right. I do have a couple of pairs of “mom pants” that I decided to keep, but the style still doesn’t feel quite right to me after a decade of wearing skinny jeans and leggings. I got a couple of pairs of corduroy joggers, which do have elastic in the waist and feel like a decent compromise between regular pants and loungewear. I feel like I could do the daycare run and not be concerned that my pants might be mistaken for pajamas (which, who really cares anyway, but sometimes I want to feel slightly put together when seeing humans other than the ones I live with).

I’ve been buying a LOT lately to try to figure out what feels right. I’m using style and fashion to try to figure out who I am right now. It’s confusing and expensive and I probably should be working out more of it in therapy. But here we are – sharing my most recent finds.

1. Crewneck Pullover Sweater in Cream – This sweater has an interesting knit pattern that makes it textured. I previously wouldn’t have gone for a pullover, or a shorter sweater, but now that I am starting to wear looser pants, I want something more fitted on top.

2.  Crewneck Pullover Sweater in Rust –  Even though this is the “same” sweater as listed above, the knit pattern on this one is different; this one is a rib knit. I’m surprised how much I like these. They are soft and can just be thrown into the washer & dryer.

3. Oversized Cable Cardigan in Olive – I love the idea of a really kind of unattractive grandpa cardigan for some reason. I don’t know if I would have purchased this if I saw it in the store – but I’m keeping it.

4. Ribbed Knit Tunic – I guess people are going bananas for this tunic sweater, which apparently is a lookalike for this Free People Ottoman Slouchy Tunic, but about $130 cheaper. I love a good lookalike, and even though I’m trying to embrace shorter tops and sweaters, I still love a longer cut.
5. Quilted Zip Up Jacket – Speaking of lookalikes, this one is a less expensive version of the Free People Dolman Quilted Knit Jacket. Even though I have this jacket in a handful of colors, I got the cream and I think I’m going to sell most of the others on my Poshmark, in keeping with the more neutral vibes I’m seeking lately.

6. Double-breasted teddy sherpa topcoat in Adobe Clay – I got obsessed with the idea of a teddy coat after watching Only Murders in the Building (so good). Honestly I don’t know why I think this is a good idea; I had (have) a teddy coat from when I was pregnant. It was expensive, from Free People, and not warm, and I felt like a giant puffball in it. I can still remember feeling sick and freezing.

7. Double-breasted teddy sherpa topcoat in Warm Rose – To add insult to injury when it comes to making bad decisions, I bought this coat in a second color, hoping it will be warm and cozy and that I’ll love it. I’m a little torn on this pink, as I’m trying to keep things more neutral, but maybe pink can be a neutral. We’ll see.
8. Velour jogger in Amethyst – I too have joined the multitudes who don’t want to be adding to the wealth/fame/notoriety of the Kardashian family but have to concede that KKW makes damn good loungewear. The velour line is kind of like living out 90s Juicy Couture dreams but in a more elegant way…if velour can be considered elegant? I have my eye on the velour leggings next.

9. Corduroy High-Waisted Jegging Jogger in Navy – I mentioned these above; I have them in both the navy and burgundy, two solid colors for the fall and winter. They really straddle the line between loungewear and real pants. I’m not sure if I would wear them to the office but I might; they have back pockets and the fabric is sturdy. With some chunky boots they really read more as pants than loungewear, but at home with cozy socks and slippers they go the other direction.

10. Straight Corduroy Pants in Tan – I haven’t received these yet, but I have high hopes that my dream of having a flattering pair of wide-leg cords is going to come true. One of my main wants style-wise for the fall was a pair of burnt orange wide-leg cords, and I hope these are it.
11. Straight Corduroy Pants in Navy – Such high hopes, in fact, that I ordered them simultaneously in a second color. 
12. CBD Gummies – I started taking CBD gummies during my fertility treatments spanning back to 2018. I’ve never been a person who definitely feels the therapeutic effects of CBD but I faithfully took them until I got pregnant with my son. I’ve been using them this past year and was taking one per day. Then I had a really terrible month mental-health wise and it felt very much hormone related. I started doubling up and taking 2 gummies per day (at night before bed, with my magnesium really helps to knock me out) and for the first time I felt it making a difference.
13. Fertility Gummies in Blue Raspberry – I’m supplementing my regular prenatal vitamins with these. Honestly I can’t say if they are working or providing any benefit. But in the depths of infertility you’ll try a lot of things.
14. Cranberry Relief Chews for Dogs – Whenever my dog starts to have accidents, I get him some cranberry chews to try to help his system.

15. Both/And: A Life in Many Worlds by Huma Abedin – Do you even know how long it’s been since I’ve really read a book? Far too long. My attention span is shot. But I got this book on my kindle and it’s proving to be an interesting read. Her background growing up is very interesting and it’s not a surprise that she ended up in the career she did. Honestly though – I’m mostly reading it for her account of what happened during her marriage.

16. Sherpa Lined Fleece Mittens for Toddlers – Surely I cannot be the only one whose toddler hates mittens. I’m just trying to find something he’ll keep on his hands now that the cold weather is approaching.
17. Pony Pick Hair Band Removers – We can’t bring ourselves to cut our son’s hair right now, so he sometimes rocks a baby man-bun. These little picks are so good for cutting the elastic band instead of trying to yank it out of his hair.

This post contains affiliate links.